Beccapooka's Quitting Smoking Weekly I have asked my good friend, Brian, to write the next few issues of my QS newsletter for me. This is the first! Thanks a million, Brian! Happy Smobriety! Rebecca 'I'm a smoker.' I never used to think of it in those terms before. Being a smoker was so much a part of me then that to say it would have been like saying, 'I breathe on a regular basis.' But now, I see myself that way, and know all the time that I stink, that I'm a slave to the paraphernalia, that I'm not doing what I should. I cannot say that I am a man of virtue, able to make the right decisions without fail or that I am living the life I want to live. What happened? I Quit. Four months of not doing the thing that was robbing me of my breath, my choices, my money, and my self respect taught me that I could indeed do whatever I needed to do to take charge of my own life. That I could change the supposedly unchangeable about myself and be the person I wanted to be. So, was Quitting a mistake? Is it so difficult that I never should have tried? Anyone read the book 'Flowers for Algernon' or see the movie 'Charlie'? It's about this mentally challenged guy that sweeps floors for a living because it's all he can do. The guys at work make horrible fun of him, but he can't mentally understand that. He thinks they are his 'friends'. He just laughs out of blissful ignorance. One day, some doctors decide that he would be perfect for a new treatment that raises the IQ. They start the procedure and the results are miraculous. Charlie's mind begins to develop. As time goes by, he's ecstatic about his newfound abilities of reason and perception. It's kind of heartwarming to see this genuinely nice guy begin to understand his place in the world- with a couple of exceptions. He can now understand that the 'friends' he thought he had were just barbaric morons who got their kicks making fun of the 'retard' who just smiled and kept coming back for more. The other exception was that, contrary to the hopes of the doctors; his newfound intellect was breaking down and wouldn't last. Eventually, he became excactly what he had been, but with a new cruel twist. He'd retained enough understanding to realize and understand when people made fun of him. With regard to the parallel I'm drawing between Charlie's dilemma and my own, would I have been better off never Quitting and consequently never knowing what anchors I was putting on my life, what negative social aspects I was subjecting myself to, how damaging and self destructive my habit was? (I learned all of this by being on the other side for four months. Now, I can't help but see who I am and what I'm doing.) Before I answer that let me tell you first how I fell off the wagon. I was THERE!! I REALLY didn't have to smoke again! I know that now. One day I was watching TV and there was a pack of smokes on the table in front of me. (My wife never Quit, but she never smoked much to begin with- before you start thinking that she SHOULD have, remember- it's a personal decision that can't be forced from without or it won't work.) I wondered what it would be like. I certainly didn't NEED them anymore, heck, there were ALWAYS packs around and it didn't phase me. So I lit one. Got HIGH AS A KITE!! I put it out and wondered if my stupid curiosity had tossed me back into the hell I'd gone through four months before. Well, it didn't. I got away with it. What in the world, after that experience, can you imagine would keep me from doing it again? That thought never crossed my mind. But I DID it again two weeks later. You can imagine what happened from there on. It seems that, when Quitting, there is one boundary left that cannot be crossed. It might not get you the first time or the second, but you have to ask yourself, 'If I don't smoke, what am I DOING it for??' If you don't smoke- don't smoke! Now back to the question, 'Would I have been better off never Quitting and consequently never knowing what anchors I was putting on my life, what negative social aspects I was subjecting myself to, how damaging and self destructive my habit was?' I think you can answer that one for yourselves. Charlie had no choice in the matter. Once he slipped back into his former state of ability, nothing could be done about it. The doctors could have done the same thing again and would have had to suffer the same result. They knew that now. But with me, all I have to do is get to where I was before and STAY THERE!! What's keeping me? I can't imagine the character Charlie not going for whatever could bring his 'normal' life back if he had the chance! And here I am, with that very option, puffing away like before- only NOT like before. I remember during my Quit not being able to STAND the smell of a smoker getting into the car with me. Now, I am he only this time I know it. So what's the holdup? I WILL Quit again. I KNOW it. But for some reason, falling off that horse has got me more shook up than logic can explain. When I do I'll DAMN sure not smoke another. And maybe that's it. Maybe it's fear that I'll do it again. Maybe it's a low enough self-esteem that I can't trust myself yet. None of that matters here. That's MY cross to bear and, if it matters to ya, I'll be just fine! But my point is this; If you've Quit, DON'T smoke. No matter HOW confident you feel! If you're thinking of Quitting, you can do it! I did! I was THERE! If you've Quit only to fall off the wagon, get back on there as soon as you can! I'm a bad example- now- but pretty soon, I'll be DRIVING the thing! Special thanks to Rebecca for allowing me to speak to y'all. She's a real hero in a fight that really counts. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Check out my idea on IdeaExchange! I wrote this 25 page report in an attempt to get as much information as possible in one convenient place. Actually, I started the newsletter as a compliment to the article. You can check it our here: http://www.ideaexchange.com/idea_home_page.cfm?idea=107085 Do you have any questions or comments about this issue? Send an email to beccapooka@worldnet.att.net. I welcome all suggestions for future issues. What do you need to help you quit or stay quit? Talk to other Quitters! The Quitting Smoking Board at The Motley Fool's web site is an online support group for people in all stages of quitting. This discussion board and the wonderful Quitters who post here have played a big part in the story of my success. http://quitsmoking.fool.com Are you reading a forwarded copy? Please subscribe using the address below! And pass the subscribe address onto your friends and family. Help me to spread the word about my newsletter. 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